Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
