How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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