I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm always down for nudity.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
