This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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