I wannas sexs uuuuu
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Bring me that man meat
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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