do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I looked at my own cervix.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
