I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
