I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
