...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
