Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
