I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
