I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
