So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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