I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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