Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
