The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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