bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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