Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
