He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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