dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
