Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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