it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
