i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
