There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
