no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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