Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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