I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm at about main and main street
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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