she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
