Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
