Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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