I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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