Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
