i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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