# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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