You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
