thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
