how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
