the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
