i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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