i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
