Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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