I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My ATM looks so different sober.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
