I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she smelled like a LAN party
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I lost the right to judge tonight
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
