She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
