last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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