Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
