Your mouth is God's brothel.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
