Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think people are normalizing furries
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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