i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
my liver is dry heaving
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