i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
