I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
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