I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
