the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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